


Intrusive

by oHmYGoDitSRobErtDowNEyjR



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Deceit Sanders, Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Anxiety, Blood, Death, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Panic Attacks, Please Don't Kill Me, Self-Doubt, The Author Regrets Nothing, Violence, please save my babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-05-31 08:37:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19422388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oHmYGoDitSRobErtDowNEyjR/pseuds/oHmYGoDitSRobErtDowNEyjR
Summary: The aftermath of Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts. It gets super angsty, I'm so sorry.





	1. I was One of Them

**_He'll hate you. It'll go back to-_** "Because I was one of them," Virgil cried before quickly sinking out. With every step into his room, he trembled harder. His mind raced, searching desperately for any single thought to latch onto. In a split-second decision, Virgil found himself sinking down once more, this time to the mindscape's kitchen where Patton was searching for a new cookie recipe.

**_Why the hell couldn't you protect him? Why didn't you protect your family?_ **

"Hey, kiddo, you okay?"

**_You deserve to go back. Deceit was right; You can never be one of them._ **

The voice sounded muffled and far, far away. Collapsing onto the cool floor, Virgil let out a choked sob.

_It was a little over two years ago. He'd just returned from yet another failed journey to the light sides' domain. Deceit tutted in disappointment._  
_"You're not going soft, are you, Virgil?" he cooed. "It'd be a shame to lose you."_  
_"No! No, no, of course not. I just-" Virgil started before a gloved hand was clamped tightly over his lips._  
_"Look at me, love," Dee whispered. The hand forced Virgil's chin upwards so he could look into Deceit's cold eyes. "You will never be one of them," he hissed maliciously, "And if I hear that this happens again, you will surely regret it. Got it?" Deceit's dangerous eyes burned into the youngest side as he awaited an answer. Virgil nodded timidly, internally reminding himself to put on more concealer to cover the bruises that were sure to come. The others would not be as gracious as Deceit._

"Virgil? Hey, hey, buddy, can you look at me?" Virgil's trembling form was packed tightly into the wall. His eyes were squeezed shut. **_Don'tgobackthereyoucan'tgoback-_** "Okay, kiddo, you're sitting in the kitchen; you're perfectly safe. It's just me and you right now, Virge," he reassured him. "Can you breathe with me?" Patton took several slow, deep breaths. "There you go, that's it. You're doing great, kiddo." Gradually, Virgil's breaths slowed and he looked up at Patton with red, puffy eyes. "Is it okay to hug you?" Patton asked gently. After receiving a tired nod, he crouched and held the other side. Not a word was uttered between them as they sat for a few minutes; Virgil dried his tear-stained cheeks on the sleeve of Patton's cardigan. Soon, his eye shadow-streaked face went slack, his breaths evened out, and every so often there came a soft snore.


	2. Dan

After returning a groggy Virgil back to his room, Patton decided it'd be best to wait until tomorrow to make his cookies. It was getting very late, after all. Sinking down into his room, he began to prepare for bed.

_**It's all your fault, you know.** _

"Not today. Please not today," Patton whispered.

_**You'd think you've learned by now. You remember what I taught you, right?** _

"Get out of my head, please," he said through gritted teeth.

_**You're supposed to be happy. Gentle. Innocent.** _

"Stop-"

**_You're just hurting them. This is on you._ **

"Stop it! Get out of my head," Patton sobbed.

"Alright," said a voice from the corner, "If you insist." Dan stepped out of the shadows to reveal himself. When Dan arrived, Patton always felt as if he was looking in a mirror. The only difference was his eyes. Dan's eyes were black and perfectly reflective, like a pond on clear night. They stared into him as if they were trying to absorb every last piece. 

"Why'd you have to pick tonight?" Patton looked at him with teary eyes. 

"Because, dearest Patton," whispered Guilt, "You have to be reminded of how worthless you are." 

"Dan, please don't do th-" Suddenly, Dan reached out and caressed Patton's cheek. Patton fell, as if he was pushed down by an invisible force. Shadows spread like black ink, and they were off.

_"All of this because Patton can't let go of one person?"_

_"It's making you act pathetic."_

_"Why do I even try?"_

_"Ignore him-"_

_"He's being too strict-"_

"Patton!"

Patton jerked away from the hands that were holding his face. Dan quickly sunk down. "Patton, are you alright? I heard you scream," asked Logan.

"Well, I-" started Patton.

_**You wouldn't want to bother him with your feelings, would you? You know how he hates that.** _

"I'm okay," he finished carefully. "I promise." He even looked up and gave Logan a bright smile to prove himself.

Logan stared at him for a brief moment before choosing his next words. "Patton," he said gently, kneeling to be at eye-level with him, "I believe that is a falsehood." They sat there for a while. Logan began telling stories of Sherlock, who he himself had taken a liking to, and Watson, who Patton seemed to appreciate. The farther Dan got from Patton's thoughts, the more his eyelids seemed to droop, and eventually, his head was only held up by Logan's shoulder. Logan would've fallen asleep himself if it hadn't been for the migraine beginning to develop in his temples. He hoisted the still-sleeping Patton into bed and sunk down into his own room, trying to ignore the voice nagging him in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here it is! It's short again, sorry bout that. I'm also sorry for the long wait for this chapter! That may happen again. I have the general idea for the next chapter, but I don't have anything set in stone. Thanks for all the love, y'all! If you want updates, you can follow my Tumblr account, omgitsrobertdj. Hope you enjoyed! So long until next time, buckaroos.


	3. Deceit, Receipt, Whatever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit makes an appearance in Logan's room and they have a conversation

When Logan arrived back in his room, he was dizzy and exhausted. He sighed and looked around his room. His tie was draped over his desk chair, unread books were scattered across his unmade bed, and the plate of dinner that Patton had brought him earlier that evening was completely untouched on his desk. He was a bit disappointed in himself each time he went down to his room. He needed to get himself together, and he would. Tomorrow, he decided, as he trudged over and slid some books off of his bed. He would be better tomorrow. He sat on the edge of his mattress and held his head in his hands. 

"Stop lying to yourself, Logan," purred Deceit from the corner. "Isn't that my job?" He wandered over to Logan's bed.

Logan slowly lifted his head, exasperated. "Of course it's your job. I didn't think that needed clarif-" He was cut off by a gloved hand. 

"You talk too much. It's my turn now, alright?" He lowered his hand. "I know precisely what my job is," he began as he paced around the room. "But it seems you've forgotten yours." He paused at a bookshelf and picked up a book. "Would you mind enlightening me as to what, exactly, your job is?" He flipped through the book and threw it over his shoulder. 

Logan cleared his throat and looked at his feet as they dangled over the edge of his mattress. "I represent Thomas's Logic," he said matter-of-factly, albeit softly.

Deceit faked a gasp and looked back at Logan. "That's right, I'd almost forgotten, with the way you've been acting." He snatched a jar of Crofter's from the room's stash and acquired a spoon. "Look at yourself, Logic." He lifted a spoonful of jam out of the jar. "You're pathetic," he said around his spoon. "You're making yourself look like a fool." He looked down at the jar again. "This is disgusting," he muttered, getting another spoonful.

Logan, glaring, sat up taller and began organizing the books around him alphabetically. "While I appreciate your input," he said stiffly, "I've determined that you should allow me to make my own decisions."

Deceit chuckled, setting down the now-empty jar. "That's the thing, Logan," he hissed. "I'm not sure if I should." He paced back to Logan's place on the bed. "Are you really sensible enough?" He snapped his fingers, and Logan's breath caught in his throat. 

_Logan spun downwards, deep into the depths of his mind. He landed with a thud in the mindscape's living room, or so it appeared. "Logan," said Patton, walking towards him...and then straight through him. "I was wondering when you'd come down to celebrate!" Logan turned around to see himself, or rather, his past self, smile warmly at Patton._

_"It's not like I would want to spend my day locked up in my room, Patton, especially when there's plenty of jam to eat." Past-Logan walked into the kitchen, where a sweet smell was wafting through the house. Patton had made cookies using the new Loganberry jam. He wrapped his arms around past-Logan's waist._

_"I'm so glad, Lo. I'm so proud of you," he said, smiling. Suddenly, a shout came from somewhere in the mindscape. Patton gasped. Composing himself, he turned back to Logan. "I'm sure Roman's just messing around in the Imagination," he smiled. "I'll go make sure he's not hurt. Pick out a movie for when I get back, okay?" Patton sunk down into Roman's room._

_Present-Logan was filled with dread. This was not how the memory was supposed to go. "This isn't real," he whispered. "I know what you're doing."_

_Past-Logan smiled and plucked a cookie from the pan._

_"No, get out! Stop it," Patton screamed distantly. Past-Logan tensed and sunk down, and present-Logan went with him._

_Roman's room, which had been transformed to look like a tranquil forest, was in shambles. A few feet ahead, Patton was sprawled on the ground, hardly breathing. His cardigan was soaked with blood. Past-Logan knelt by his side, trembling and sobbing. Patton looked up at him with glassy eyes. "You could've fixed this," he whispered._

_Farther up the path, Virgil sat under a tree with Roman's head resting in his lap. He whispered words of comfort to the barely-conscious Roman. Roman's regal clothing had been painted as red as his sash. As Roman went limp in his arms, Virgil looked directly at present-Logan with teary, disbelieving eyes. "How could you let this happen," he croaked. "Why couldn't you just do your damn job like the rest of us?"_

_Logan spun and twirled into the cold void, tensing when he felt reality enter his senses._

Deceit looked down at his perfectly-manicured fingernails. "How was it," he smirked. 

Logan closed his eyes and shook his head, as if trying to erase the memory from his mind. "None of that was real. None of it."

"But it could be, couldn't it," smiled Deceit. "Now that Remus and the others are loose."

Logan's mind raced with every possible scenario. He remembered Patton's look of disappointment and the utter despair in Virgil's eyes. He remembered the energy draining from Roman's body, which had once been so full of life. He remembered when his guard was down. He remembered that he was the one who let the dark sides in. This was real. It was so horribly real. "I would appreciate it," Logan seethed, "If you'd get the hell out of my room."

Deceit grinned as if he'd just won a game of cards. "If you insist." He sunk out dramatically. 

Logan relaxed on the bed and sighed. He reminded himself of the methods he'd taught himself to keep his face and body language neutral and cold. He would just have to try harder. After all, what's the point of a side if they don't do their job?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, I'm so sorry. I took forever on this chapter, with both technical and mental difficulties. I hope it was worth the wait. The next chapter should be coming out a lot sooner. This next chapter will either be the last or second to last! If I make a fifth chapter, it will be an epilogue. Once it gets closer to that time, I'll let you all decide! If you want updates on stories or have something you'd like to see me write, you can follow my Tumblr, omgitsrobertdj. Thank you so much for your continuous support! Until next time, take it easy, guys, gals, and non-binary pals.


	4. Intrusive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now,the moment we've all been waiting for, the angst pit of all angst pits, Remus and Roman meet again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, before we start this chapter I'm just going to let you know that there's Prinxiety in this chapter. It's nothing romantic, and it's only mentioned once, so you could honestly probably just pretend you didn't see it if you're not comfortable with that. There's also considerably more violence than there has been in the past few chapters, so be careful!

"Now he's gone, and he's never coming back!"

"Well, I don't know about-"

Roman had never sunk down faster. How could he have been so foolish? Remus was supposed to be gone. What had gone wrong?

**Age 6**

_Red alert. Roman's prized teddy bear had gone missing. His stuffed animal cavalry prepared for battle. "Give him back," shouted Roman. Remus pranced around on the ceiling, Roman's teddy bear clenched in his hand._

_"If you insist," he laughed. He dropped the teddy bear, which landed softly on the ground. Roman ran to pick it up, but suddenly, a sea of tentacles sprang from inside of it. It's sash and crown were thrown across the room. Roman cried, drawing his sword, and a cackling Remus sunk out._

**Age 14**

_"What are you doing? You're killing them!"_

_Roman was still in the process of perfecting his kingdom, but it remained one of his proudest creations. Remus doubted it._

_"Only a little bit," he said, lighting a match and setting yet another house ablaze. They drew ever-closer to Roman's palace, and Roman felt dread welling up inside of him. He extinguished the small fire with a snap of his fingers as Remus moved on to the next house._

_Roman drew his sword. "Get out of here and never return!"_

_Remus considered this for a moment and laughed, summoning his mace. "No, I don't think I will." With a snap of his fingers, he disappeared, and Roman knew exactly where he went._

_When he got there, it was too late. His palace was in ruins, his stables destroyed. Roman couldn't tell where his staff and horses were. A massive Dragon Witch stomped away fiercely. Remus sat atop a heap of rubble, taking a bite out of a stick of deodorant._

_"Ciao," he said, sinking out and leaving the Dragon Witch behind. Roman felt a tear slide down his cheek as he began to rebuild._

**Present**

Something was definitely off. He arrived in the forest a mile away from his palace, hoping for a relaxing walk before bed. The birds and insects and various mythical beasts were dead silent. A shout echoed throughout the forest. 

"Roman!" He dashed toward the sound, drawing his sword. In a clearing he spotted Patton, teary-eyed and tired, on top of a boulder. A cluster of gigantic spiders made their way toward him. Remus watched from afar, cackling. Roman sprinted to the boulder, killing spiders as he went. 

"It's okay, Patton! I'm coming," he shouted. Finally, an aching Roman reached the top of the boulder. Patton had disappeared, and in his place, Remus sat. "What are you doing? What did you do with Patton?" Roman's eyes darted back and forth, searching for any other threat. Remus continued to laugh.

"It wasn't real, you idiot," he howled. Suddenly, his expression sobered. "Or was it?" A black fog crept toward them, obscuring Roman's vision.

"Roman?" They were near the lake. Logan was standing near the bank, calling for him. "Patton said I should-" Remus pushed him in. "What do you-" A force pulled him under, taking him further and further away from shallow water.

Roman dove after him without hesitation. "Logan," he called. Tears and lake water clouded his vision. He took a deep breath and ducked his head under water. Looking around in the murky water, he saw him, struggling weakly to swim upwards. Roman swam to him, his lungs burning, and brought him to the surface as he stopped struggling. Roman gasped and choked, forcing his tired muscles to swim faster. They reached the shore, and Roman set Logan down on the sand. "Hey, Nerd. Wake up, I saved your life," he said. Logan did not respond. He knelt down and looked at him. Logan's hair was sticking to his face. His glasses were shattered and his face was pale. His breathing was weak and ragged. "Logan, you have to wake up. Please wake up." Roman trembled and brushed Logan's hair out of his eyes. "Logan, I'm s-" The image of Logan melted away in front of his very eyes. 

"Oh, that was a fun one." Remus' voice echoed from everywhere and nowhere, surrounding Roman and seeping into his mind. "Let's try another one, shall we?"

" _Roman!_ "

"I heard you've got yourself a boyfriend."

The world around them melted away and was replaced with a new one. A darker one. "Please, no, I can't-" Virgil sobbed. His hoodie was torn and stained with blood. 

They were in the Dark Sides' realm. Roman closed his eyes. "This isn't real. You're messing with me."

"Are you sure," whispered Remus, "Or could I be switching it up this time?"

"Roman, please," Virgil begged. Roman's stomach dropped. Deceit stood over Virgil, grinning.

"Hello, Virgil, dearest. It's good to have you back." His voice lilted and swayed, like a sickly sweet melody. "It's a shame we can't get rid of you for good, but once you've reformed, we'll make sure to get you a nice room down here. It'll be just like old times."

Virgil shook his head. "I don't want-" His hand covered his mouth.

"I'd do it myself, but I don't like to get my hands dirty. You know that, of course, Virge." Virgil's eyes widened in fear. Deceit whistled for Remus as if he were a dog. "Remus, darling," he sang, offering two elegant daggers. "Have fun, and don't miss."

The world was going in slow motion. As the first dagger flew from Remus' fingers, Roman summoned his shield and leapt in front of Virgil. A blinding pain shot up his leg. He fell to one knee, but at least Virgil was safe- until he heard a gasp of pain from behind him. The second dagger struck Virgil in his stomach. 

The world seemed to crumble around Roman, but it wouldn't melt away. No matter how much he prayed that it would. He watched the betrayal in Virgil's eyes melt away into bitter nothingness. He watched the grin on Deceit's face widen as he rewarded Remus with a treat. He collapsed from equal parts pain and exhaustion and gave in to the embrace of unconsciousness. 

Remus snapped his fingers, and the illusion melted away. They were back in the forest. He knelt down and whispered in Roman's ear. "It's good to see you again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now all that's left is the epilogue! I'm so sorry for the long wait, I kind of fell off the face of the earth for a while. Thank you all so much for all of the support! Every comment means so much to me. If you want updates on new works or the current work, or if you'd like to suggest something, my Tumblr is omgitsrobertdj. Thanks again!


	5. Epilogue: The Morning Will Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wholesome epilogue to end this complete and utter disaster of a night.

As with every night, the morning eventually came. 

Patton woke up, groggy but okay, and made breakfast. 

Logan was next. He boiled water for tea and smiled as Patton hummed.

Next came Virgil, who poured himself some coffee and gave Patton a rare hug. 

Finally, there was Roman, who arrived with a slight limp. As breakfast plates were set on the table, he gave Virgil a relieved kiss and took his seat. 

Routine kicked in. There was a clattering of forks and a few nervous laughs. There was the occasional mumble of "Pass the Crofter's."

"How about a movie," Patton suggested. "I think we could all use a break." They huddled around the TV as a group- as a family. Not even Logan could argue.

And so, the family, as hurt and afraid as they were, continued, and life went on. Even through the fear, the guilt, the lies, and the destruction of the night, the sun rose, and a new morning arrived. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I should end with the things I've learned this summer. It's been an interesting few months, but the sun rose, and we'll all have a new morning- a fresh start. I'd like to thank all of my consistent readers, particularly one, Nox, who's left comments on every chapter, who's DMed me, and who's always been there to tell me to take breaks and not push myself too hard. Thank you so much! To everyone else, thank you for coming with me on this rollercoaster of angst. If you want to suggest something for me to do next, or you want updates for future fics, follow my Tumblr, omgitsrobertdj. Thanks again. This is Quinn, signing off for the last time on this fic! Agghhh, I'm gonna miss this lil' pile of misery.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this was really short. I promise the other chapters will be longer and have much more sad, so get ready, friends. This is certainly not my first fic, but it's my first time posting on ao3, so constructive criticism is welcome! I have a new Tumblr account, so if you want to follow that for updates, the url is omgitsrobertdj.


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